A BABY!!!!! With everyone I know having babies, I too would like one. (Phoenix I think at three months old in this picture). Because we aren't thinking(well Mike is not thinking)about having anymore kids right now. It is hard to read or see others getting to experience that joy. Don't get me wrong I'm so happy for everyone. I think that it is awesome to have more children it's just not in the cards for me right now. This is a thought that I have been obsessing about for awhile, since Phoenix hit a year and half. Because of this obsessing about having more children I have fallen into a deep depression that has led me down paths that I don't wish upon my worst enemy. I have sunk so low as to over dose on medication that is "suppose" to help me with the depression. But lucky I have found peace with myself and with my depression. I have learned who to control or refocus the obsessing thoughts and redirected the anxiety that I face with the depression.
For about 5 weeks I have been seeing a counselor at Family Services. (This isn't something that you admit to.) I feel that sharing how I feel will not only help me to heal even more but I hope will help others who read this. I know that I'm a daughter of GOD who loves me and knows who I am. I know that I have been suffering with depression for a really long time. Sometimes it makes me feel like a weirdo because I have this problem. But to recognize it and try to manage it has been the greatest feeling. The last five weeks have been a hell that only I have experienced. I know that through the atonement I can be saved from this disease. Even though I'm still working out the kinks I think because I'm being proactive about it and talking with someone it has helped me a great deal.
I'm a visual learner that has to write everything down and re-write so that things will stick in my brain. I feel that the exercise have been now in grained in my head that it is easy to stay focused on trying to refocus obsessive, anxiety and depressing thoughts. I am a good person and I deserve a normal life, a life full of happiness.
If anyone you know is going through a depression have them seek help. I know that by seeking the help of professionals and the Lord I'm able to overcome my weaknesses. I know that I'm not fully cured and I can't be made when there are relapses but I know that through the steps I have been taught things will be easier to handle then a meltdown of sorrow.
12 comments:
Oh, Rhiannon, I am so sorry to hear this. But, I think it is very good that you have shared your story so that we can all support and help you if we can. A while back I was suffering with huge panic attacks several times a day. It was so hard and depressing and I thought I was going crazy. Something that I found to help was the information I read in a book, "Natural Cures," by Kevin Trudeau. He is a pretty obnoxious author, but the information he shares is really good. With the help of what I learned in this book (and a lot prayer), I am angsiety free! Even when we had a funeral recently (my 1 year old nephew) & with our upcoming adoption (1 month before we travel), my stress level is as low as ever. This is HUGE & so I just wanted to let you know that this might be of some help for you too. Thanks again for sharing & I love you! I know you CAN beat this & you are soo right, Heavenly Father loves you and wants you to be happy too. :) :) :)
Sorry about the trip. but we are all trippy G's. We just need to sit down at the Olive G. We will always be here for one of our own. I am just 10 numbers away. you know homes..lol..we love ya. call me anytime. peace out Skinny
Hey Rhi, you are definatley not alone in this situation, a lot of my close friends suffer from this in one form or another, you are doing the right thing. And your not crazy, we had to leave St. George cause of my craziness..
i never would've guessed and how brave and thoughtful you are to share your experience! i'm so happy you have the Gospel in your life to help you through such a difficult time because i know you'll make it through!
Hey Rhi! Yes, I agree, you are one brave chica to endure this face-on. You're right, you deserve nothing but peace and happiness in your life, and it's so amazing that you're being pro-active RIGHT NOW. Just imagine, if you didn't take the helpful steps now, it would escalate into something deeper. thank you for sharing your experiences.... people tend to act like their lives are perfect. maybe your story will help others seek professional help. keep us posted. i care about ya, rhi-girl! Keep up the progress!
Rhi- you are so beautiful inside and out! Just look at our Grad pic from my blog- too cute! Thank you for sharing. I'm always here for ya too. Stay strong- it's hard I know. Miss ya!
Rhi-
Just remember one thing....you are not alone. Do you remember that night at dance when we were all in the car and 4 out of 5 of us were on anti depressants? Sometimes I have to remember that moment, just to remind myself it is not just me. I know you CAN work through it. Counseling is a tough thing, he digs right into the pit of your heart....if you ever need to talk you know where to find me!
You are definitely not alone in that Rhiannon. I have dealt with that same thing off and on as well as many of my family members and friends. It is so important to remember that Heavenly Father loves us and Christ suffered for us so that we can overcome anything. Even feelings of doubt or unworthiness, as well as sadness and pain. One thing that always helps me is knowing that my family loves me no matter what. And their love sustains me. Hang in there!
hey. hey you. i love you and i think you're amazing!
Thanks for sharing, Rhiannon. I think this will help many people. I hope this next month goes well for you!!!
I think that you are such a great friend and I know that the Lord will help you. I have seen how this disease affects people and it is heartbreaking. But I am glad there are things out there to help you!!! Love ya
So many people are suffering from the same things...and are ashamed because of their feelings. I am so proud of you owning up to the things that you are going through, and taking the necessary steps to get past it. You are an awesome person, and a great mommy. I hope that things are looking better for you.
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