untitled

So I have a lot of thoughts that I want to express but it's been hard for some reason to write them all down.
First I guess I should start with how I have been feeling. As many as you know I suffer from depression. (I'm not bi-polar) So the last few weeks I realize that my mind is so connected to my body in how I react to certain things. For instance two weeks ago I went to church and just came home in tears. Feeling helpless I didn't know why I was crying so bad. Oh wait yeah I do it was because everyone in my ward is pregnant and I feel jealous that I'm not. Then realizing that my oh so lovely cycle was about to start I stopped the blubbering about another child. Two weeks prior to this meltdown. I was saying that I was content with my status of a two kid mom. So because of the stress and emotions flowing through my body I was putting off the cycle. That could be a great thing right? Well, I also realized that I need it to come and to stop these raging hormones of crazy so that I can be the calm person that I know is inside my body. So I'm trying to relax.
I feel though that through all the mental drama things here on the "ranch" are doing great. I can't say enough about my kids who play so well with each other and are so willing to help out with simple chores. Jersey cleaned her room all by herself, yesterday and was rewarded with a small notebook from the circle store.
I'm also so pleased with them because they eat about anything I put in front of them. I have been trying new meals because sometimes our regular meals: Pasta, Sweet and Sour Meatballs, tacos, pizza,grilled cheese sandwiches, and taco soup are getting old. I made a salad that was so great. Picture this, field greens(the bagged salads)cucumbers, garbanzo beans(or chick peas) and marinaded terikayi chicken. I grilled the chicken and the cut it up and tossed all the other ingredients in the salad. Then you top the salad with Papaya Seed dressing. I can I just say YUM! Mike that is was odd I was sticking beans in a salad, I thought is was great.
Last weekend Mike had a scout outing and I had to work in the early morning so Jersey and Phoenix had a sleepover at Grandma's. I was by myself to do whatever. I wanted to go to the Cheesecake Factory but the wait was 2 hours long even at 8:30pm. I had to get up at 5am so I didn't want to stay out late. So my friend Sarah and I went to Chili's it was so good. It was nice to go out with no kids and no husbands. Two things I normally don't do. After work on Saturday I came home and waited until my kids and in-laws got home. They went and ran errands so the waiting time gave me a chance to continue reading my book that I checked out at the library. It was called Rhett Butler's People. It is a sequeal to Gone With the Wind. I don't know why that period of time is so facenating but I couldn't put the book down. So the kids and Mike just hung out and did their own thing while I read my book all night.
The weather here has been great the last few days. Utah has been in the 50's. Oh it is so nice. To go outside and wear flip-flops and not jacket. Jersey even rode her bike yesterday with all her friends. I like when I have a day off and my kids can go and play with friends. It was also cute to see ms. Jers walking over to the neighbors to play. I usually walk with her but she couldn't wait until after I put Phoenix down for a nap. So she ran over by herself. What a big kid I got on my hands.
Ok so enough of my ramblings. I should call my blog "Rhi's Rambles" hmm, maybe I will think about that.
Well I'm sure this post is to long for some to read but I just felt that I needed to put my thoughts down on paper or on the computer.