Yesterday I had to go to the Dr. I was going for two reasons one for my annual exam and also to see if I was pregnant. Pregnancy test never seem to work for me. So I just wanted to make sure. Well I walked away feeling a little discouraged. One I am not pregnant. Second and most discouraging is that I was told that I need to have a exploratory surgery to see if the insides are doing what they are suppose to. Because they are suspecting endormiterous.(so I totally can't spell that word.) The only way is to go in and check it out. The DR. was like if you are really done having kids then you might want to consider getting your tubes tied. Now it sounds good on paper but I don't know. I keep flip flopping between do I want another or I'm happy with the two that I have.
When I was told that I wasn't pregnant I felt peace if that sounds weird. Like, it's OK to be done. I have been praying a lot to have another one but maybe that was an unrighteous thing to be praying for? Mike is really admit about being done with having kids. So I know that my pressuring does bring a wedge between us.
I have always known that the closer I got to 30 my body would start hating on me and start causing problems. Now I'm not 30 nor will I be for another year but so it to already start is kind of freaking. I think the knowing that I would have problems was some time of permission to just accept what I was given and then focus my energy on those two beautiful kids then stressing about more. When I think about the tubal litigation there is no confusion as if I think about having another child there is confusion. I know that this is my answer. I know that if I keep ask it will be the same answer.
I think just writing it all out has helped me make more of decision. So thanks for reading my ramblings.
3 comments:
what a hard decision... i only have one and already worry about making the "we're done" decision! good thing i have some time to work on my personal revelation before i get to that point... ;)
Hey Rhi
wow, that's a lot to deal with, when I had those cyst on my ovaries, they were saying that I should just get rid of all my 'goods' I kind of freaked. I know that I am done, but I was thinking about my ovaries and they have been with me since I was born and I would be sad to part with them. As far as knowing if your done having kids, it's all personal. For me, after Cait I thought I can't have more right now. and I sort of thought I was done. We got rid of all our baby stuff. Then we got pregnant. And I was totally okay with it. But when we had Ella, I just knew that we were done. No question in my mind, I hold babies and have been close to two births and I just know that I am done. Who knows if your answer will be as resolute as mine, but if your having doubts, even if he's done, I wouldnt do anything drastic until you are sure. Word?
I agree that you shouldn't make a decision until you consider very carefully. Go to the temple, and fast together as a couple. Damon said we were done after guard. Now we have denim and he would be fine with more. Everyone is different, but make sure you both decide together. They told my mom she had the endometriosis so bad it spread to her organs, and said she could never have any kids ever again, said it was impossible. A few months later she was pregnant with the twins. Like I said, two kids may be all the that you are meant to have. But don't base it too much on the doctor visit, or that mIke is done! No offense Mike!go to the temple and just forget about it for a while. If you are confused then that could be your answer...you may not be done. Good luck!
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